not because im embarrassed or shy but because i am judging every single girl that happens to cross my vision. i tear them apart starting with the thighs. im viscous. i compare my thighs to hers. my legs look like hers. i want my legs to look hers. i would kill myself if my legs look like hers. i wish my legs looked like hers. i cant even fathom how many time those words enter my head on a daily basis.
how when i watch movies with my friends and they all gush how hott that boy is, and i dont notice because i was looking at his female counterpart.
how most people would think i was a lesbian if they looked at my computer and saw countless pictures of skinny pretty girls on my computer.
how food is always always always the prevailing thought in my head.
how i cant live a normal life because im counting calories.
how i cant fucking wear shorts or dresses because this way of thinking caused me to drag a razor blade across my legs over and over and over again.
how even though its been years sincec my last dance with the blade, its shadows on my legs still haunt me daily.
i fucking hate feeling like this!
but i love skinny.
