I woke up this morning. . .

. . . and realized that i had completely lost control. Let myself go to an all new low. I woke up this morning, stepped on the scale and realized I was tipping over 120 lbs. OVER 120!! Just three weeks ago I said 'I will kill myself before I reach 120 lbs'. And now here I am, more than I ever thought possible. I disgust myself. So, if I stay true to my word, I must either die or lose weight. Those are my options. I woke up this morning and remembered that I hate myself. I have been playing this game for five years now. This game of starving, eating, hating, binging, at one point, even cutting. I'm now a freshmen in college. My lowest weight is around 95 lbs, but that was so long I can scarcely remember that feeling. I've pretty much been complete shit ever since.